Thin Line
by Infamousplot
Summary: "I hate that you'll never hate me, never spare me that second, or third, or last thought- and then risk your life to save me. To save me, who hates you, or at least tells you that he hates you. Even if he doesn't really." Angsty Knuckles thought process.


**This is something I wrote around 3:00 in the morning. Yet it is probably one of the things I am proudest to have created ._. After watching SonKnux videos and drowning in feels, I finally decided to just _freaking write_ something. And thus, this was born.**

**It's sort of like a poem. It's Knuckles' angsty thoughts process, as he struggles to prove he is better than Sonic, while at the same time trying to figure the hedgehog out.  
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**I had a lot of onesided SonKnux in my head while I wrote this, so to me, that's what this is. But it can easily be read as friendship frustrations as well. Whichever you choose to interpret it as, I hope you enjoy it.  
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><p><em>It's a thin line between love and hate.<em>

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><p>Sonic, I hate you.<p>

I hate you for crashing into my life and turning it upside down.

For making me look like an idiot in front of the first living people I ever met.

For always proving me wrong, no matter what it is we're talking about.

I hate that you're faster than me -so fast I can't land a decent punch.

I hate you for being so cocky, always one step ahead of me -but never letting me know ahead of time.

I hate you for being a snide, insensitive prick that always has to make me look like the dumbass.

I hate that you're the only person who's ever been able to make me cry,

And that you know it,

And that you'll never let me live it down

Yet you'll never tell anyone

Because you have to be the bigger person, don't you?

I hate that. I hate that you have to make me look bad, even though that's never your first thought,

Or your second,

Or even your third.

I hate that our so-called rivalry is one sided,

That in your eyes I'm nothing more than a "spazzy brat"

Your "self-proclaimed" rival.

I hate that you don't see me as a real threat

Or a real rival.

Do you see me as anything? Even a friend?

I hate that you call me buddy, even when I tell you that we're not buddies.

That you laugh when I say this

That you call me stupid names like Knux and Knucklehead and Knuckster

I hate that you think I'm so dumb

I'm not, you know.

I'm not an idiot. I'm not stupid. I'm not a Knucklehead.

I hate that you don't know how much it hurts

These damn labels you've pasted all over me... They never go away, did you know that?

I hate that I can never get you out of my head.

You're always in there, no matter what I'm thinking about.

Everything traces back to you- and guess what? You know it- I freaking _hate it._

Why can't I think of a single thing without heading back to you?

Why must you be the center of everything?

You- _you_, are the center of my fucking universe, did you know that Sonic?

I hate it, but that's the truth.

Because you're the one who crashed into my life,

Who showed me that there's more to living than just surviving.

You showed me what freedom was, you bastard- showed me that one thing I wanted so bad,

That one thing I can never have.

Though I guess that's not your fault.

How could you know that freedom is a sin to me?

That just associating with you goes against everything a Guardian is meant to stand for?

I hate you for making me a failure,

A disgrace amongst my own people- people I'll never even know.

I hate that they're probably glaring down at me right now in disapproval-

That same disapproving stare you get when I do something stupid,

Like side with Eggman,

Because I can't stand you being right one more time.

I hate that you took my life and tore it apart,

Throwing it back together like... I don't know.

You brought me down here, to this strange, terrifying place.

You shattered my world-

So I had to rebuild it.

And guess what I built it around, hedgehog?

Guess who it revolves around now?

I had to build my world around you.

My life is built around _you_.

I hate that. I hate that so, goddam much.

I hate that you know it

That you won't acknowledge it.

That I'm not worth your time.

I hate that I don't trust you

Even though you've never given me a reason not to.

I hate the way you laugh when I act like an idiot,

That stupid smile and that stupid thumbs up you always flash.

You think you're so cool. Why? Just because some fox kid idolizes you? Because you saved the planet a few times? Whatever.

I hate how much you make me think.

You make my brain hurt, hedgehog.

It sucks having my world built around you -I always have to readjust it.

Just when I start to live on my own,

Guess who comes crashing back in?

You've got it.

You.

You, with your dumb smile and your cheesy catch phrases.

You, who thinks you're so cool, just because you're the hero.

I hate that I'll never be the hero.

I hate that I'll never have your freedom-

And that you know it.

But you don't care. Why should you?

I hate that I don't matter.

Because I don't.

Do I?

Do I matter to you?

Do you ever think of me when you're off running around God knows where, doing God knows what?

Am I ever on _your_ mind? Because I'm getting sick and tired of having you on mine.

I hate that you make everything so difficult.

That you act like life is a game,

And I'm just some big old party pooper for not wanting to play it your way.

I hate that when I fall, you're always the one standing over me

With that stupid smile and those burning eyes

And that damn hand waiting for me to take it.

I told you, I'm not your buddy.

I'm not your friend.

Am I?

...

You know what else I hate? I'm sure you don't care-

I hate how Tails used to ask for reassurance- how he used to ask if he was your "best friend."

I hate that I can never ask that sort of question-

I hate how _weak_ you make me feel!

Only you could do this,

Make me feel like some insecure little puggle,

Tailing you and begging for reassurance-

Begging to know if you think of me as your friend.

Well, I don't care. I don't give a crap what you think.

Except I do.

I hate how hard it is to be better than you.

You make it so damn difficult to prove myself.

Gah, I hate that I even feel the need to prove myself!

Why should I prove myself to you? What have I got to prove?

I don't know. I don't know, and I hate it.

I hate it.

I hate you.

...

They say that there's a very thin line, between hate and love.

Do you think that's true?

I always thought that was stupid.

What about hate and obsession?

Hatred and passion?

I don't know.

I don't _know._

What am I even talking about anymore?

...

I hate that you'll always be standing there,

One step ahead,

One foot above,

Holding the bar just out of reach

So that I never can pass.

I hate that your eyes will be watching me as I struggle

Full of... What?

Mockery? Encouragement?

Full of God knows what.

I hate that you'll never hate me

Never spare me that second

Or third

Or last thought

And then risk your life to save me.

To save me,

Who hates you,

Or at least tells you that he hates you.

Even if he doesn't really.

And I'm just one big prickly ball of angst, I guess,

Because I hate you

And I hate me,

And it must sound like I hate everything.

But you...

You're just so damn confusing.

So difficult to understand,

So impossible to grasp.

I hate that your hand will always be there,

Always be stretched out to take mine,

Whenever I need it...

And that I'll never have the guts to take it.


End file.
